Quote(s) of the week 31.

Eno...

I: Well, can you... blow up the world?

T: Egad! I hope not. That's where I keep all my stuff!

(Why it's funny: Well blowing up the world is, bad? And no one should do it?)


Owt...

P: ...He died of natural causes.

C: He got shot in the face with a bazooka.

P: So naturally he'd be dead.

(Why it's funny: He was talking about how fake psychic are and this was his example.)


Eerht...

Q: AHHHHH!

H: This doesn't have to continue, I could stop you from seeing the visions at any time.

['H' turns control and 'Q' stops yelling]

H: You stole files form our computer. Just tell me what you've learned.

Q: Topically applied fluoride doesn't prevent tooth decay. It does render teeth detectable by spy satellite.

['H' turns control back on and 'Q' starts yelling, then he turns it off again]

Q: The plastic tips on the end of shoe laces are called aglets and their true purpose is sinister.

['H' turns control back on, then off]

H: What do you know?

Q: There was a magic bullet. It was forged by Illuminati mystics to prevent us from learning the truth.

(Why it's funny: 'Q' is the best conspiracist ever, he's the one that found out that the girl scouts are responsible for crop circles among other things.)


Ruof...

T: So what happened last night?

D: Well, we went to see an interesting piece of contemporary theater, we drank an enormous amount of free wine, we ate our body weight in twiglets, and you punched an artist in the face.

T: Shit, I'm not supposed to eat twiglets.

D: Why not?

T: They make me violent.

(Why it's funny: Violence is not the answer, but at the time it really seems like it is doesn't it.)


Evif...

T: She's shallow Brian, ya know? Like Cordelia out of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and after that Angel, the spin-off series, which is set in L.A.

B: I don't know what you're talking about.

T: Brian, you're such a square!

(Why it's funny: What a loser, doesn't even know what city Angel takes place in.)


Xis...

T: I have a secrete, can I trust you?

B: No.

T: Wh-what?

B: No, you uh, should definitely not tell me anything you don't want other people to know.

T: OK, um, are you sure?

B: Yeah. Zero trust should be given to me.

T: OK, wow. Uh, really? Because I really need to tell someone this.

B: Well go ahead and tell me, but it won't stay a secrete. That's all I'm saying.

T: Huh.

(Why it's funny: Normally when someone says that, the person that they ask usually says "Yes." not this.)


Neves...

P: [Thinking] Sometimes I with I psychic. Don't you Tim?




Damn.

(Why it's funny: [Thinking at the monitor] Did you hear me?)



Well as you can see I have reversed most of everything today. It makes me happy. Oh and sorry for all the problems this week. When ever I got a new quote down, and tried to save, Blogger sent it to you. So I hope somehow you guys got the final version.