Quote(s) of the week 18

OK now I don't usually do this, but today is Monday 5/12. Well I mean not for you, but for me. I'm writing this on Monday. I wanted to get quote(s) from all across the week. On the day I hear them, so that I don't have to remember all of them until Sunday. Because that's a pain in the butt. So anyways here are your quote(s).

Monday...

H: Wh-What happened here?

['M' is laying face down on the ground, most likely drunk]

M: *GASP* That was close I almost died!

H: HOW WHAT HAPPENED!?!

M: I can't breath if I lay face down because of my boobs, do you know what that feels like!?

H: I don't.

(Why it's funny: 'H' is a boy not a girl.)


Tuesday...

K: My god, it costs less to have someone killed then it does to have one born.

(Why it's funny: You have to pay a surrogate mother, you also have to pay an assassin.)


Wednesday...

C: Have a great day!

D: DON'T EVER TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

(Why it's funny: He wasn't telling him what to do, he was just wishing him a good day.)


Thrusday...

C: ...SEE BEARS ARE EVIL, THEY ALMOST MADE OSAMA BIN LADIN LOOK CUTE!!!

(Why it's funny: Osama Bin Ladin isn't cute, but bears are.)


Friday...

G: INTRUTER!!!

D: Intruter? How'd he get in, in-trew-da-door?

(Why it's funny: It's not, it's a pun.)

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Have a super cool week, I did.